TOW#462 — Manipulation
Have you ever been manipulated, or felt manipulated, or manipulated someone?!
When we hear the word ‘manipulation’ we seem to immediately associate it with something negative, i.e. that someone has used someone else for their own personal benefit. Indeed, some of the definitions of the word relate precisely to this: “controlling someone or something to your own advantage, often unfairly or dishonestly” (Cambridge English Dictionary).
However, in essence, manipulation doesn’t always have to mean something negative. According to some definitions, it is “the act of manipulating something, skilfully” (Google Dictionary), or “skillfully managing, controlling or using something or someone. Whether it’s the sculpture you made in art class or how you convinced your friend to do your homework — both are manipulation” (www.vocabulary.com). When talking about manipulation I regularly give an example by asking the following question: “if a friend of yours manipulates you not to take a particular road, and ends up saving your life, did he use you and manipulate you?!”
In that context, we could say that manipulation is a skill, a technique, a tool and, depending on who uses it and how, it can be negative or positive. In the end, it all comes down to the person doing it and their intentions. Unfortunately, because people use/abuse manipulation, i.e. techniques in order to gain control, power, money or reputation, to the detriment or benefit of someone else, we perceive it as being a negative thing.
You should also be aware that if you think you’re immune to manipulation, then you’re lying to yourself. We are all being manipulated every single day. We’re constantly influenced by social, economic, political, marketing and systemic manipulations. Marketing, sales, negotiation and promotion are all manipulative techniques. We manipulate buyers and assure them that our product or service is for them. A sale is a manipulation, regardless of whether we consider it to be negative or positive: if you sell a product that you know the buyer doesn’t need, then it’s negative, but if your product/service helps them and they’re grateful to you for it, then it’s positive.
One of the largest social experiments (officially recorded) took place in a high school in Palo Alto, California, and was conducted by history teacher Ron Jones. The film “Die Welle” was subsequently filmed on the basis of the experiment. One day, while talking about World War II in class, one of the students asked the teacher how it was possible for a whole nation (Germany) to be manipulated by one man and made to do such despicable deeds. The teacher decided to conduct the experiment in order to demonstrate how all of it was done and prove that it was possible. The project lasted a week, during which pupils were divided into different teams and given different tasks and roles to play each day, while he played the role of leader. You can find more information on what happened and more details about this case on the following link.
The above story is something to keep in mind for those of you who don’t believe in psychological manipulation or think that nobody can manipulate you.
In any case, manipulation is very subtle and if you come across someone that’s skilled in it, and has bad intentions, you should get away from them as fast as you can. With that in mind, below are some tips on how to protect yourself from ill-intentioned manipulative techniques.
1. Pay attention to words: words have a lot of manipulative power. Use them carefully and listen carefully. Listen to others’ words and think logically (rationally). If need be, define some terms, phrases, and words so you know their precise meaning.
2. Body language: read the signals that others are sending with their bodies and link them to the words they’re saying. Pay special attention to the eyes.
3. Rational thinking: we make decisions emotionally, and then later justify them rationally. Always try to think logically first, and see whether what the other person is saying makes sense. If not, paraphrase or ask questions. Allow your emotional state of mind to come back in only at the end.
4. Instinct: when you meet someone for the first time, analyse the ‘chemistry’ between you. Although it may sound poetic, cheesy or corny, feel what your body is telling you. If you feel uneasy, or if there’s ‘bad chemistry’, then your stomach will feel strange. Listen to this instinct. The body is sometimes smarter than the mind.
5. Train the mind: a strong mind, both emotionally and rationally, is much harder to manipulate.
Develop your ‘manipulative’ skills, work on improving your powers of persuasion, negotiation and dialogue, but make sure to have positive, honest and honourable intentions towards others.
Wishing you success with the changes to come,
Petar Lazarov
“Tip of the Week” Team member
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