TOW#480 — Criticism!
When we hear the word “criticism”, we immediately think that it’s in relation to something negative. According to Wikipedia, criticism is defined as “the practice of judging the merits and faults of something”.
However, in essence, criticism is not a negative word. It’s just that we’ve taken it to be a negative concept. It actually means giving advice, thoughts, comments (feedback) to someone about themselves, their features or actions. Criticism is simply someone’s opinion of us, but it’s up to us how we take it on board.
For this reason, whenever we talk about criticism, we must make a division between the one giving it and the one receiving it.
From the aspect of the sender of the message (criticism), there are also two angles to consider. What is the intention of the person criticising? On the one hand, if we’re talking about negative criticism, that could mean:
- High self-regard (EGO): I’m criticising you because that’s how I give myself import and I think you’re not good (I’m better) and so I’m allowing myself to judge you;
- Insult: I want to hurt you with my comment;
- Fear of oneself: when we criticise others, we’re essentially running away from ourselves. We’re afraid to look deep inside ourselves, to see our faults and shortcomings, and so it’s easier for us to turn around and criticise others.
“Rather than looking within themselves, people tend to criticise others”
K. G. Jung
Nevertheless, criticism can be wholly benevolent, friendly and positive. Sometimes we want to point out to our friends, colleagues, family that some things may not be the best for them, so we give advice or our opinion so that they might improve and benefit. When you want to give positive advice (criticism), one of the most important things is the way you say it!
This is important because the recipient will receive the “criticism” in either a negative or positive way. We generally view external advice as negative criticism, mostly because of our EGO. When someone criticises us, we (our brain — EGO) regard is as an attack, and naturally when someone attacks us, we either run away or counter-attack.
If our EGO doesn’t get hurt by any type of comment, we could really benefit. Other people see things differently to us. Therefore, when someone gives you criticism, not only should you not get angry with them, you should actually thank them. Advice, criticism, opinion can make us aware of some things, and we, if we apply those tips, can only “grow”. So, next time you receive criticism, don’t take it personally (no matter what is said and with what purpose), but consider whether it’s true and whether it might be useful to you if you use it.
“When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.”
Wayne Dyer
Try to keep these perspectives in mind the next time you want to criticise/advise someone, and then decide on you how you’ll approach it and what you’ll say to which person. Also, when you receive criticism, try to remove the personal element and see if you can benefit from it.
Wishing you success with the changes to come,
Petar Lazarov
“Tip of the Week” Team member
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