TOW#556 — Speak so that I may see you!
Socrates said “speak so that I may see you!”
Do you think Socrates made a mistake or he meant something metaphorical?! Of course he didn’t make a mistake, he was pointing to the fact that a person’s character is reflected and shown more through the body / face than through speech / words.
We’ve written before about the importance of body language and the signals we send or receive, but it’s always worth returning to this very important topic from the field of effective communication.
Where does this quote from Socrates come from and how much do words or signals really influence communication and our mutual understanding?! Psychology says that in order to transmit a message as accurately as possible, you need to use the three basic types of communication: word (written), tone (verbal) and body (signals). However, the difference with all these types is in the percentages they play, i.e. the influence each one has in accurately and correctly conveying the message. The numbers are as follows:
Written (word) = 8%
Verbal (tone) = 34%
Body (signals) = 58%
According to communicologists and psychologists, even the tone of voice is part of body language. So, when conveying a message as accurately as you can, more than 90% is down to the signals we send, and only 10% to the words or the content of what we’re saying. Since such a small percentage is down to the words, we humans are prone to lying. Analyses show that 90% of us lie at least 200 times a day. Purely as a demonstration, the question we all lie about most is “how are you?” Which means that ‘lying’ also includes so-called white lies.
But let’s return to body language. It’s very difficult to explain and get into the details in a text such as this, and even harder to learn to interpret the signals. For that you need a lot more knowledge, reading, work and training. Therefore, I just want to tell you (for those who know very little about this topic) and motivate you to get more involved and emphasise the monitoring / reading of the signals we send and receive.
So, in terms of signals, the basic elements that constitute ‘body language’ are:
• Face: everything that happens to the face. In general, we ‘catch’ the basic emotions and signals (sadness, anger, joy, confusion, etc.). But what will set you apart from others, and help you understand others better, is if you start to ‘catch’ the smaller, minute signals and gestures that are out there;
• Figure: body, posture, clothes, jewelry, hairstyle, makeup, it all communicates something. How we’re dressed, what jewelry we’re wearing (is it an elegant necklace or an aggressively thick gold chain), are we confident or scared, etc. It all sends a message;
• Focus (eyes): the queen of body language. Everything can be seen through the eyes. Just listen to what the proverbs say! You can see truth through the eyes, the eyes are the mirror of the soul, use your eyes to see if someone is lying or not, and so on. You flirt with your eyes, you seduce and communicate with people, without the need to utter a single word;
• Territory: we all have our own invisible, intimate field (50 cm). The rule is, don’t enter mine and I won’t enter yours. If you’ve ever had to say to a colleague “please don’t breathe down my neck”, it means that they entered your intimate space and you didn’t like that. Every retreat or attack on someone is part of the signals and messages you send;
• Tone: loud, quiet, dramatic, scared, it all gives a different meaning to the words you say. If you say to someone, “Wow, I’m so happy for you!”, but your voice is monotonous and quiet, it means that you’re not actually very happy for that person;
• Time: in drama it’s called a ‘dramatic break’. That is, you explain something to someone, you leave some time (pause) for them to process, and then you conclude. If you don’t pause a little, then your point may not be understood by your interlocutor as you intended.
My advice is, replace your most used organ for communication — the mouth — with your most important communication organ — the eyes!
Wishing you success with the changes to come,
Petar Lazarov
Member of the Team
MACEDONIA-EXPORT Consulting
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