TOW#585 — Reciprocity
I stumbled upon this traditional piece of wisdom on Facebook the other day, but it didn’t say who it’s from. It’s the first time I’ve come across it, but I like it very much, because I try as hard as I can to practice what it preaches.
In any case, the wisdom within the saying can be viewed from two perspectives (parts), each of which is powerful and special in its own way:
• Promise to give as much as you can!
Oh, if only politicians adhered to this rule, the world would be a wonderful place to live. A few years ago I watched a Croatian lawyer who suggested that political speeches / promises should be analysed before and after elections, in order to see what and how much has actually been done. And, on that basis, for politicians to be punished or rewarded. Unsurprisingly, the idea didn’t gain much traction and wasn’t voted on in Parliament. However, this isn’t just about politicians, but about all of us. How many times do we promise things (privately or professionally) that we can’t deliver on? How often do we see advertisements and salespeople promising the ‘moon and stars’, but in the end there’s no sign of what was promised. Anyway, this is a broad topic and deserves a more detailed approach and elaboration. Perhaps I’ll work on it some more for one of the upcoming weekly tips, but for now I’ll focus a bit more on the second part of the saying.
• Give more than you promised:
Sometimes when I’m paying at the shop, and the teller has to give me small coins as change, I tell them “it’s okay, I’ll leave some credit for next time.” Not that they’ll remember me in the store, or that I’ll really ask for the money from last time, but it’s just that I prefer being owed rather than owing money.
Psychology says that if you give someone more than you promised, that person feels the need / desire / urge to give you something in return. Except for so-called ‘Energy vampires’, who have no problem taking, no matter how much you give them.
We all basically live our lives (whether at home or at work) on the basis of the ‘RECIPROCITY’ rule. I expect to get back as much as I give. If you think back to and analyse a lost friend from the past, you’ll realise that in general you lost that person because one of you violated the reciprocity rule. If one of your friends took more than they gave, or vice versa, then the relationship weakened, and over time it was lost. We all operate on the basis of reciprocity with our partners too. Everyone’s relationship is based on wanting to receive as much as we give. Whether this is good or bad is not something I want to get into here — I’m just presenting a psychological analysis and the usual state of affairs in interpersonal relationships.
Anyone who’s been to one of my sales seminars knows that I close every session by saying “I don’t believe in a formula for success in sales. But if you were to put a gun to my head and ask me what the formula for success is, I’d say — break the reciprocity with your customers. Always give something more (price, time, energy, attention, respect, benefit, trust, love, etc.).
Eastern teachings say that the purpose of our lives is to consider and work for others. Let’s do it then!!! But how far can we get with this rule in this selfish, capitalist and ego-centric approach to life? Well, I say, even if we don’t live and work for others, if we manage to tip the balance at least a little and do things for others, instead of looking out only for ourselves, we can be better at work and in our private lives, while at the same time making this world a nicer place to be.
Wishing you success with the changes to come,
Petar Lazarov
Member of the Team
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