TOW#599 - If I were you…
Last week I was telling a friend about something that had happened to me, and almost out of the blue she said to me “If I were you, I’d do so-and-so immediately”.
Regardless of the fact that I know her and know that she definitely wouldn’t do the thing she said, the sentence itself got me thinking: ‘if I were you’! It’s very easy to solve someone else’s problems! Rather ironic, of course. But, as the old saying goes, every mountain has its own weight.
Let’s consider these:
1. Do you take all factors into account when giving someone advice, or are you giving biased advice?
2. Can you really put yourself ’in someone else’s shoes?’
3. Would you really, truly, do what you’re advising?
If your answer to these three questions is yes, then you’ve passed! 😊
If not, however, then please refrain from giving advice until you’ve passed the above test. Not only will you not give good advice, but your goodwill or perhaps disinterest in the situation may take things in a completely different direction, so instead of helping you might end up complicating things further!
The fact that someone has asked you for advice and guidance should make you feel honoured, but you must also be aware that doing so carries with it great responsibility towards that person. Just so you know, their decision could be partially or fully based on your words and advice.
Therefore, please:
• Ask carefully about all sides involved in the situation!
• Ask about the reason and the history, if any, that led to that situation!
• Think objectively, without bias…
• Think about whether, if you were in that situation, you would really react the way you say you would (because you’re essentially being asked how you would act if it were your problem).
• And only then let your words flow.
Or simply, if you feel that you don’t know what advice to give, sometimes it’s better not to give it. They won’t get angry with you, trust me. That’s because you’re sharing the burden of the decision with the person you’re giving advice to, as I already said.
As Depeche Mode sang: “…But before you come to any conclusions, try walking in my shoes”!
Wishing you success with the changes to come,
Elena Martinovska
Member of the Team
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