TOW#618 — Talking about the same thing

I find it very interesting that a growing number of people, who persistently say the same things, over and over again, actually begin to believe in the correctness and credibility of what they’re saying.

I’ve tried with several people to change and distract them from their blabbing, but honestly, after many assurances that it doesn’t work, I decided to research a little deeper and see what the problem is and why I can’t succeed!

First, why I can’t/didn’t manage!

If you google it, you’ll see a million similar examples that people who repeat the same things have some traits in common:

- Self-confidence — well if you’re right all the time, self-confidence is inevitable… they believe and are convinced that their views are right, to the point that the Earth could move, but not their viewpoints…

- Denial — this is characteristic of almost all of them. Denial refers to the their non-listening and non-understanding of what the other person wants to tell them.

- Interruption — interruptions during argumentation is the norm, which serves to either distract the interlocutor or ‘divert the water’ to their own mill.

- Communication — we’ve talked about this many times with Pero, and these people are characterised by closed communication, i.e. only the first phase, and that’s the one where they can’t wait for you to finish so they can tell you their point again (they were just being polite for the sake of it), because they can hardly wait for you to finish so they can tell you what they think again.

Second, why didn’t I succeed?

Let’s take a look at the other side, the one that’s repeating, and give them some advice which I also came across after some Internet research:

- Change — people are prone to change and people change in the same way the world changes. Some faster, some slower, but generally people change. Be aware that people may have changed, advanced their understanding, and that what you’re saying might simply not makes sense anymore, and all you’re doing is causing trouble! Be open to change on the other side and try to see the changes.

- Communication — you’re probably thinking “there it is again”, but what’s most important and where we usually fail is the implementation. I’m talking here about active communication, i.e. fully listening to the other side, and I mean really listening, trying to process what you’ve heard, then thinking about it, and only then concluding whether or not you’re right. Because you might not be, that’s a possibility, right?

Options — I read an interesting article on this and it ended with: if you’ve tried everything and you see that the other side doesn’t want to change their attitude or change in any way, then you have two options:

> let’s agree to disagree — if the other person means something to you, then you agree that you don’t agree on this issue and move on;

> that’s enough — at some point you’ll realise that there’s no need to keep trying to convince that person that what you’re saying is right, so you just let it go.

Whatever it is, talking about the same thing over and over again, is OK if it’s for educational purposes, but if it’s to attempt to convince the other side that they’re wrong and you’re right… then, please, tread carefully!

Wishing you success with the changes to come,

@kalin.babusku